Being in the Now

I was in the car when a song came on, “It Did,” by Brad Paisley.  He takes us through a journey of his first date with his wife, their wedding day, and the birth of their first baby.  The chorus says,

And I said to myself/ It doesn’t get better than this. . . And it did!

I always reflect back on those early moments, dating, getting married, new children, with fondness.  How sweet those times were, but did I think that in the moment?  Furthermore, he talks about having their first child and not being able to get better, but “It did!”  Do I think of these times, where my children are growing and leaving the nest, teenage years, etc, as better when my children were first born?  I don’t know.

Fast forward to putting my kids to bed this evening.  I had to make sure that my five year old, the reluctant pooper, got his bowel movement in, because it’s been a few days.  There was a little bit of “weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth,” but we found success.  Then, off to bed he went.  Next was the three year old’s turn to go potty before going to bed.  While I sat there holding her nightgown up and out of the way, I thought, “A day will come when my job won’t include making sure kids poop and pee.”  Of course, it was a hopeful, looking forward moment.

Why is it I can look back at the past with smiles and fondness and hope for the future, but the now can be a chore?  Where is my happy and joy in the now?

I’m sure in the past I had once looked forward to this day where I didn’t have to change a single diaper with hope (I changed diapers for 22 years straight).  This was once the future that I looked forward to with eagerness!  Do I relish in it, because it has finally come!?

This is also the past of my some day future that I will be missing.  I’m sure I’ll probably laugh with my son when he turns 20 years old (surely he will have learned to poop by then) about the poop party we held when he reached 30 days pooping in a row!  How I will miss these days.

I am trying to live more in the now, savoring this time that only happens now.  I have read about mindfulness, and the amazing benefits of practicing mindfulness.  NOW it is time for me to jump in with both feet and give mindfulness my serious attention and commitment.  I am going to open the mindfulness app on my phone and get started this week.  I will let you know how it goes.