Dr. John Gottman, a leading marriage researcher/psychologist, has identified key indicators of divorce. One of these indicators is how a couple frames their past. If they have reframed their history in a negative light, chances for divorce are significantly higher than if they look back on their early days with fondness. (For more information, I would suggest reading Dr. John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, also available on Amazon.)
While there are “facts” that are indisputable in the past, how we choose to feel about the past can be up for grabs. We can dwell on the “hard” times and think negatively about them, or we can “glorify the struggles [we’ve] been through, drawing strength from the adversity [we’ve] weathered together” (Gottman).
I believe that this can be true of all our relationships, not just our marital ones. This year I created a calendar with each of my children on a page and a baby picture inset. Looking back on those sweet, innocent times left me in awe of each of my children, no matter the hard times we’ve been through. Looking back through old pictures amplified my feelings of love (I’m sure this is why scrapbooking can be a huge pull for many of us).
We can use these positive feelings to draw us closer to our family now. Be careful not to yearn for days gone by (that can be tempting), but keep your focus on now and choosing to feel that love and goodness. Use these past memories to enhance the positive emotions you want to be feeling now.
Family Life Education 