Come What May, and Love It

One of my all-time favorite conference talks is “Come What May, and Love It,” by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin.  I’ve been pondering this quote from that talk lately:

“How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.”

I appreciate Elder Wirthlin acknowledging that we shouldn’t suppress negative emotions.  Often times, it’s as we try to avoid these negative emotions that spiral them deeper, or running from them that causes us to buffer (through food, drugs, alcohol, pornography, yelling, etc).

I’m learning to sit with uncomfortable feelings and process them.  I think what I still need to learn is to recognize them when they first rear their ugly heads.  Tonight, I was frustrated with with some children for arguing and sulking.  Immediately, I was “react[ing] to adversity,” but not in an effective way.  I wish I had recognized what I was feeling first.  Then, I would have modeled emotional maturity, handled the situation better, shown more love toward and for my children, and maybe even helped them to solve their own problems better.  (Or maybe not.)

While in hindsight, I wish I’d reacted differently, I am also learning to be compassionate with myself.  I can accept the events as they happened and even my own responses in the situation.  Each moment is a new moment in which I can learn, grow, and do better, WITHOUT beating myself up for past actions.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy teaches “that it is not only ineffective, but often counterproductive, to try to control painful emotions or psychological experiences, because suppression of these feelings ultimately leads to more distress. ACT adopts the view that there are valid alternatives to trying to change the way you think, and these include mindful behavior, attention to personal values, and commitment to action. By taking steps to change their behavior while, at the same time, learning to accept their psychological experiences, clients can eventually change their attitude and emotional state.”

Now it’s time to learn how to be more mindful and intentional.